how to deal with a prolonged helplessness?

"Well, nothing we can do about it."

"Nobody knows what will happen."

On a surface, helplessness can provide solace. When nothing is within your control, why bother?

But continuous helplessness struck me this morning, after another long series of 'what the fuck this is awful but what can I do anyway?', and realizing that I have put everything on such a fragile vase (I knew this all along but my unluckiness never ceases to amaze me) forced me to think, do I really have the privilege of not bothering?

Honestly, I just don't know what to feel now. Should I be disappointed? Mad? Tried all of those. Perhaps I am just tired. And I want something to work out. Please.

A friend once told me, suffering is overrated. After all the hardship, pain, hard work that I drag and pull myself into last year, I really couldn't possibly agree more.

Everything in life is just so fleeting. Any good moments in my life I have held so very dearly especially because of it. It can be taken away in any second. And we are, I am, so helpless about it.

(Anyway, this episode is genius)