we all try

"I still believe in man
A wise one asked me why
Cause I just don't believe we're wicked
I know that we sin but I do believe we try
We all try, the girls try, the boys try
Women try, men try, you and I try, try, we all try"

The song has been playing in my head time and time again.

We all are just trying, aren't we? And life feels like this constant pursuit of trying. Try again. Try. Fail. Try again. Fail again. Repeat that cycle on and on like Sisyphus rolling a boulder to the top of a hill.

Pursuing my next life goal and developing my personal project, among other things, have slapped me the most with that. They are not at all the entire thing but they have made me see that.. all the things that go in my life follow that principle.


Try.


Try again.


Try better.


But trying is scary, or at least it can be after you have tried time and time again, have you felt something like that?

Because I have and I think that is the most prevailing feelings I have in the past month.

Trying is scary, especially when it matters to you. Especially when you feel like you are on your own and it feels like peeling off every part of your insecurities. Even trying to reach out or open up to a friend can be scary, as you know that there are two possible outcomes; positive or negative. Or worse, nothing.

Developing my personal project has been a constant iteration. Try this. Try that. Sometimes I really try so hard to come up with new initiatives. Since my partner has gone M.I.A it is completely on my hand. But boy, there are so many attempts that just fall flat to the ground. I try, really. I seek many different things. I ask for feedback. I go full implement that Eric Ries book.

Still, maybe I have not learned enough.

The other day, I thought to myself, that I currently living under these three principles:

- Be humble to always learn

For me, it is easy to be humble since I really have nothing to be so proud of. When you lie face down, you will take anything that can help you get through it. The harder part is to open up, I think, and to let people know that you are failing. I swear, gotta have thick skin and insecurity stopped at the front door. Or just bulldoze through it. 

- Have the audacity to try

It really can be incredulous at times, the things I try. Doesn't matter, I take it to live now that it is best still to try to do something.

- Be open for any results

And.. as mentioned, we can only give it a try, no? The results it imposes are externalities we can't control. But we can control our next attempt.



As Bukowski put it; if you're going to try, go all the way.

Even if it means trying your whole life. Just like what he did.