Reflecting on 2019
Here goes the mandatory reflection. I have always loved to do this way back since I was in school. I find it healthy for the mind. It's humbling to look back and reflect, for the current self, and for the future self. But most of all I think it's simply good to write, so we don't forget (humans way overestimate their memory capacity all the time - including me).
Jakarta is no Algiers, and it's been raining with storms this past week, so definitely not summer - but 2019 is nearing come to an end, and with every year that passes, one is encouraged to stop and look back. Shut down for a second, and reflect.
On why 2019 was beautiful, beautiful year
Balance - I would like to thank back myself back in 2018 for the choices I made. Early in the year, I could feel I was riding that perfect balance. An adequate portion of everything: striving self, purpose in work, physical health, to love, and to be loved. All of which precedes from 2018. Kudos.
Travels - It's way much less compared to 2018, but they're all grand. From Banyuwangi trip with my best friend (whom I practically consider older sister), a yoga/meditation trip to Jogja, Switzerland-French trip (oh that lucky trip to Murren and Voltaire's house...), unexpected trip in Taipei, Fujirock in Japan, disappear to Lombok, impromptu dive trip to Lembeh & Bunaken
Professional self development - I successfully finished the intense courses I took while juggling with the as-intense work. Those online courses and its assignments, those trainings and its exams... Oh how I find it fascinating to learn. I was grateful not only because of that but the lessons I got to pick up along the way too. Being the youngest in the room - learn and network with those professionals. Continuously inspired how collaboration can move in a large scale for the goods of many. It was indeed challenging time to exercise ideas the way I want it. I wouldn't say it's all sunshines & rainbows, but it gives me the valuable space to learn.
Personal goals - Do you believe in writing down your goals? Because I do. And it always feels good when you look back to your notes and go 'yup, got that'. I finally picked up something I promised & delayed since three years back. And I got it. Although it's not yet a smooth-sailing, not expecting it would as well, but it has not delayed from my plan. Hopefully 2020 will be the year. Can I also add books here? Of course I can. My reading goal for this year was 30 - less than 2018 because I want to focus on devouring more. I ended with 36 - and they are really splendid. Will write separately about it on the list of my 2019 favorites.
Personal project - I opened a library!!! It's small, very small. A collection of mine and my friend, totalled in around 350 books. I wrote the whole thing about it in another post. On a Sunday evening - the last one before the new year's eve. I'm at Baca, an almost regular weekend activity for me this past month. The newly-placed lamp flickers, give this serene feelings. Having just few readers left and my friends departed earlier, I realize my heart filled with this tender, warm feelings. Baca is now a month, extra few days, old. It's quite amazing, honestly, how this has evolved in such a short period. We just held our second event the day before, filled with engaging discussion on children's literature. The metrics on social media hit our very first tiny milestone a week before one month. We're now close to hitting another one. I didn't plan this - it's one of those sweet surprises 2019 has offered me.
Friends - As we grow, we realize more and more how our best friends are really gold. I am forever grateful for each and every one of them.
On what I still need to learn more
Self-contentment (or the pleasure of being stoic) - One of the realization that I made this year is the importance of being stoic. To focus on my thoughts, judgments, and actions as they are the only things that within my control. I learned it in one of the most defining weekend for me, back in April. I shut down everything else. I stopped wasting time in things that don't concern me. I bask in my own life. Keep myself busy with only the people I care about. It all went great, but there was also a setback to it. When you focus only inwards and treat externalities as indifferent, you might get a bit of.. skewed reality into you. Perhaps it's good because you learn to be more critical - in a way that you don't just accept other people's conformity but also try to select your own. But it can also be quite a journey. For me, it threatens what I consider my two values in life, and as a result, I divert further from the peace and serenity that Stoicism teach at the very first place. I'm getting back to it.
Love & compassion - Susan Quilliam wrote that, partner choice is a self development journey. This year taught me a lesson on how I could fall in love with ideas - not the person, but the idea to be together with that person. I could be so captivated by it, that I ignored all the sensible facts that a person is never what I constructed in my mind - but a different soul altogether. It was hard for me to let go such a fascinating idea, though I finally did. Then, I was convinced that relationship might just be not my thing. It's cool, eh, it's just not for everyone. And then I met someone that completely blew all I thought I knew about my capabilities to love. This is something that definitely I will still need to work on in 2020. I still need to learn to be calm and understanding. At the same time, forgiving and less judgmental to myself.
All in all..
Jakarta is no Algiers, and it's been raining with storms this past week, so definitely not summer - but 2019 is nearing come to an end, and with every year that passes, one is encouraged to stop and look back. Shut down for a second, and reflect.
On why 2019 was beautiful, beautiful year
Balance - I would like to thank back myself back in 2018 for the choices I made. Early in the year, I could feel I was riding that perfect balance. An adequate portion of everything: striving self, purpose in work, physical health, to love, and to be loved. All of which precedes from 2018. Kudos.
Travels - It's way much less compared to 2018, but they're all grand. From Banyuwangi trip with my best friend (whom I practically consider older sister), a yoga/meditation trip to Jogja, Switzerland-French trip (oh that lucky trip to Murren and Voltaire's house...), unexpected trip in Taipei, Fujirock in Japan, disappear to Lombok, impromptu dive trip to Lembeh & Bunaken
Professional self development - I successfully finished the intense courses I took while juggling with the as-intense work. Those online courses and its assignments, those trainings and its exams... Oh how I find it fascinating to learn. I was grateful not only because of that but the lessons I got to pick up along the way too. Being the youngest in the room - learn and network with those professionals. Continuously inspired how collaboration can move in a large scale for the goods of many. It was indeed challenging time to exercise ideas the way I want it. I wouldn't say it's all sunshines & rainbows, but it gives me the valuable space to learn.
Personal goals - Do you believe in writing down your goals? Because I do. And it always feels good when you look back to your notes and go 'yup, got that'. I finally picked up something I promised & delayed since three years back. And I got it. Although it's not yet a smooth-sailing, not expecting it would as well, but it has not delayed from my plan. Hopefully 2020 will be the year. Can I also add books here? Of course I can. My reading goal for this year was 30 - less than 2018 because I want to focus on devouring more. I ended with 36 - and they are really splendid. Will write separately about it on the list of my 2019 favorites.
Personal project - I opened a library!!! It's small, very small. A collection of mine and my friend, totalled in around 350 books. I wrote the whole thing about it in another post. On a Sunday evening - the last one before the new year's eve. I'm at Baca, an almost regular weekend activity for me this past month. The newly-placed lamp flickers, give this serene feelings. Having just few readers left and my friends departed earlier, I realize my heart filled with this tender, warm feelings. Baca is now a month, extra few days, old. It's quite amazing, honestly, how this has evolved in such a short period. We just held our second event the day before, filled with engaging discussion on children's literature. The metrics on social media hit our very first tiny milestone a week before one month. We're now close to hitting another one. I didn't plan this - it's one of those sweet surprises 2019 has offered me.
Friends - As we grow, we realize more and more how our best friends are really gold. I am forever grateful for each and every one of them.
On what I still need to learn more
Love & compassion - Susan Quilliam wrote that, partner choice is a self development journey. This year taught me a lesson on how I could fall in love with ideas - not the person, but the idea to be together with that person. I could be so captivated by it, that I ignored all the sensible facts that a person is never what I constructed in my mind - but a different soul altogether. It was hard for me to let go such a fascinating idea, though I finally did. Then, I was convinced that relationship might just be not my thing. It's cool, eh, it's just not for everyone. And then I met someone that completely blew all I thought I knew about my capabilities to love. This is something that definitely I will still need to work on in 2020. I still need to learn to be calm and understanding. At the same time, forgiving and less judgmental to myself.
All in all..
There are years that ask questions, and years that answer, so Zora Neale wrote. There were times I resonate with it, for it provides a soothing context that, it's okay that some parts of your life might be fuzzy and you might be clueless, again that's merely a part of life. Now? Now I'd like to cascade down the years to months, weeks, or perhaps days - for a quest of asking questions and answering it is a never-ending process nor it should be. It's a chance to grow. Over and over again.
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